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Astral-Thunder

Leaving Art & DA
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Recovery

1 min read
:blackrose::iconstormlyriksart::blackrose:
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I’ve reached my limit and have been pushed so far beyond it that I’m not sure how to recover. I’ve lost everything that made me who I am, I no longer feel comfortable with any reflection and feel hollow. I can not draw anymore, my work never sales unless I beg. I’m sick of being attacked or told I’m soapboxing any time I express how I feel. I have no money and nothing I do is ever enough. I have a corvette I can never drive, a husband that doesn’t care and no outlet where I won’t or don’t feel judged or held higher or lower. I cannot stand how my own body looks and can do nothing to change that. I don’t have the ability to spend money to change my diet. My body is to broken to allow me to exercise, and my mind is to fucked up to go outside. I have no support of any kind here at “home.” I listen to spoken desired to hurt, kill or get rid of everything that means anything to me. I cannot get myself into a better situation or give my dogs a home where they are loved and cherished by all who live with them. I’m on medications so I can sleep. Medications so I can wake. Medications to allow me to sit in my office sometimes able to move, sometimes not. I am afraid to ask my husband for help with anything and we spend most our time in opposite sides of wherever we live. I no longer expect to get an embrace when I hurt or a shoulder to cry. I no longer try to share my thoughts or feelings or anything of interest to me. I am constantly reminded of my shortcomings and how much of a burden I am.

I cannot think like this.
I cannot be like this.
I cannot live like this.

-some fat useless person with to many names that mean nothing
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Recovery by Astral-Thunder, journal

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